To celebrate the Edinburgh Festival Fringe kicking off yesterday, we’ve pulled together a selection of the best jokes from previous Perrier Award winners over the years to cheer you up on a usual Monday morning. So, get that needle and thread ready as your sides are going to be splitting big time…

1. Lee Evans:

I slept like a baby last night. I wet the bed 4 times and woke up crying.

2. Dylan Moran:

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”

3. Demetri Martin:

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flip-flops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ ‘Be nice to people in sneakers’.

I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.

4. Harry Hill:

When you buy a V-neck sweater there's a V of material missing. You know what they do with that? They send it to Ann Summers and she makes those fancy pants.

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

5. Tim Vine:

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe runs until 25th of August.

Got any great jokes (keep them clean Gentlemen)? Making the trip to Edinburgh to catch some comedy? Think you have the bottle to do stand up? Grab the virtual mic and comment below.